TTC as a High-Risk Woman

A spontaneous decision to get pregnant is a privilege. Approaching family planning with a “we’re not trying to avoid pregnancy –if it happens, it happens” attitude is a freedom not all of us get to experience.

If that is your story, will you take a moment, and breathe a prayer of gratitude and praise to God, please? He wrote that into your story, and believe me, it’s a blessing.

And it’s a story you won’t find here!

I had to clear trying to conceive (ttc) with seven specialists across two hospital systems in three different states. Most of my providers believed I could not conceive. One of them actually leaned forward and asked me, “why are we even having this conversation?”

Each conversation was odd, I won’t lie. It was a little like walking up to that family member you only see once a year that doesn’t even know where you work and going, “Hey! You good if my husband and I have unprotected sex?!”

Now follow-up with, “Unprotected sex comes with the possibility of pregnancy. How confident are you that getting pregnant won’t kill me?”

No joke - we asked seven different world-renowned specialists that exact question.

Welcome to ttc as a high-risk woman.

I’ve known for all of my child-bearing years that being a Type 1 Diabetic (T1D) places me in the “high-risk” category when it comes to pregnancy. Granted, all potential birth defects and complications are related to consistently high blood sugar levels, and my A1C is lower than the average for T1Ds and many women with type 2 diabetes.

But it doesn’t matter.

The diagnosis of T1D in my medical file automatically means I’m labeled “high-risk,” regardless of my current health state.

I fought that label. Hard.

I felt like it was a comment about my ability to be a mother. It felt like judgement had been passed on my mothering before I even got the chance to do it.

Too broken to be treated normally. Needs extra help to do what the female body was created to do. Incapable. Risky. A danger to a potential fetus. Selfish. Needs to be monitored. Unable to make wise decisions for herself and child.

The years I’d spent moving my body from unhealth to health didn’t matter. My remission didn’t matter. The medical miracles God had worked in my body didn’t matter.

When my gastroenterologist informed me that having Crohn’s Disease made me high-risk, I knew that I couldn’t escape this label.

Once again, my actual health didn’t matter to the Western modern medical world. Only the diagnosis. With each appointment, this was the story.

They said, “high-risk.”

I heard, “failed to function before – will fail unborn child now.”

They said, “high-risk.”

I heard, “your body is a problem.”

They said, “high-risk.”

I heard, “not fit to have a baby.”

I’m high-high-high risk.

Should be four “highs,” but my special type of autoimmune arthritis has been in remission long-enough to not warrant the label.

And with each “high,” I felt the “doomed pregnancy” label pierce my soul a little bit more.

My mentor is a wise Bible-teacher (among many things), and one of her oft-repeated phrases is, “We do what we believe.” It’s a phrase based on Paul’s teachings in Romans.

I spent a few months feeling like any pregnancy I would miraculously have was doomed.

In my brain and at that time, “high-risk” meant lots of interventions. Extra appointments. Uncomfortable tests. Lots of complications. I felt like I couldn’t have the joyful, gentle, low-stress pregnancy and birth I wanted as a “high-risk mom.”

Watching the highlight reels of expecting social media influencers didn’t help. The comparison set in deep. The insecurities took root.

But the thing about me – about how God wired me – is that defying the odds, defeating the narrative, thriving despite the dire statistics is part of who He’s made me to be. Rising to the challenge and proving the world wrong is a natural response for me.

So one day, I made a decision.

I did not want to conceive in fear, believing something would go wrong. I did not want to begin my journey to motherhood believing I was incapable, sick, and less than any other woman. I began to feel like that would be the failure.

I can’t escape the label that has been affixed to me, but I can choose to live it in a way that is congruent with the identity that God has spoken over me.

Chosen.

Tender.

Capable.

Producer of fruit.

Called.

Blameless.

Restored to health.

Dearly loved.

I chose right then and there to live “high-risk” in a way that honors the story God has written for me and the personhood I’ve been given.

High-risk of exercising informed consent to its fullest extent? Hi, it’s me.

High-risk of having a healthy pregnancy, no complications? It’s me!

High-risk of asking enough questions and ignoring enough suggestions to make my MFM* groan when she sees me coming? Sounds good to me!

Sometimes, the words spoken over us only have the power we give them.

What we believe is a powerful thing, especially when it comes to our identity. I firmly believe the most sacred part of our womanhood is this part of us that sheds blood and gives life. It’s exactly what Jesus did on the Cross, and it’s the one thing that Satan can never do.

What we believe in these most intimate and holy places of our identity is vital.

Don’t buy into the labels of this world, my friend. Choose to believe the tapestry God is ` weaving around you is beautiful, and choose to make the labels bend to the Truth.

Infertile to the seeds of doubt.

Struggling for hope in the midst of pain.

Unable to believe that God withholds Goodness from you.

And if those are too difficult in your current season, when hope is hard, remember this:

God is sovereign. Miracles are kinda His thing.

Remember my story as proof that this is true: I was never supposed to get pregnant, and my womb has held two precious babes.

God doesn’t promise we will bear children, and He does promise we will bear fruit and live in abundance. He invites us to tell Him the desires of our heart, to expect Him to show up, and yes, to surrender to His vision of our life, too.

High-risk of believing He has planned the best for my life.

Defective in my ability to consider my doctor’s opinion authoritative.

Challenged to trust God’s timing.

Failure at believing God has turned His face from me.

Abnormal confidence and joy when facing uncertainty.

Blocked from despair and desperation.

Chronically worshipping the Creator and Sustainer of Life.

Poor capacity for unbiblical theologies of suffering, pregnancy, grief, and miscarriage.

Maybe your label is an identity God has spoken over you…listen for how He uses this label over your life. Maybe you heard Him in one of the examples above. Take it. Write it down. Treasure it in your heart. Lean into what He has spoken over you and over your life.

It will change everything.

*MFM: Maternal Fetal Medicine. OBs are the doctors to the low-risk moms, I have learned. I get the specialist.