For those that don't know, I loathe resolutions; me and “goals” have a shaky history; and manifestations are bullcrap, so my year is defined and viewed through the lens of a singular word! It’s a theme, something to keep in the front of my mind, and a posture to focus on for 12 months.
Like most of the important and inspired things in my life, it’s a word the Spirit continually whispers to my soul, and occasionally, it’s spoken to me by the Lord Himself. That was the case for my 2023 word.
Miracles.
An extraordinary event surpassing all known reasons, leaving supernatural cause as the only explanation. An event contradictory to the usual laws of nature and thought to be caused by God. Mystery, vulnerability, wordlessness.
I didn’t question why this was the word God spoke over me for the new year, but as I reflect on 2023, I can’t help but laugh!
I’d forgotten how awful 2022 was – it was a complete shit show.
It started with two ER visits, a hospitalization, and being bed-ridden for a month after that. We were abandoned by our church and our small group. Tense family relationships spiraled out of control, landing TR and I in couple’s counseling to repair the damage it had done to our marriage. I was having panic attacks at all my monthly infusions; I was diagnosed with three new diseases, one of which was terminal; and we had no clue how we were going to afford our reality and save for our future.
I ended that year believing good things weren’t meant for me. That dreams were only ever going to be wishful thinking and that healing (mind, heart, body, soul) was far-off, if it was even possible. I believed while there was abundance for others, scarcity was the only thing I was ever going to experience.
And then the Lord spoke “miracles” over the upcoming year.
Suddenly, I was expected to hope. My job for 2023 was to watch God do the impossible.
See, that word was His promise to me. And He required the posture of my heart to be anticipation. I was constantly being reoriented to witness the good and holy and healing things the Lord had for me.
Given where I ended 2022, that in and of itself was a miracle!
But in the way He always does, He had so much more for me…
He redefined “blessing,” stripping away the evangelical lies that were strangling me. My preference to be in control softened, and I leaned into trust. I began to actually believe the promises of God laid out in the Bible, and I began to believe they were for me.
Choosing to believe God is a God of Abundance was a miracle, and believing His abundance extends to my life was miraculous.
In January of 2023, I wrote down six specific things that I felt it would take a miracle to make happen. Things that were never supposed to happen.
And yet.
My Crohn’s Disease is nearly in remission. I am no longer on antibiotics. My hormones are balancing, and my periods have returned. My metabolism is healing. Growing my family is a possibility now. I have been able to contribute reliably to my family’s income.
My sophomore year of high school, I had the opportunity to go to Panama City, Panama for a mission trip. We partnered with a missionary couple and their church for 10 days. On our first morning there, as I ate fresh pineapple and mango for breakfast, Glenn gave us a mini-sermon, laying out what our days and week would look like and preparing us for what we could encounter.
One of Glenn’s exhortations shaped me profoundly.
“If you’re not expecting big things from God this week, I don’t know why you’re here.”
He went on to talk about how much God loves when we expect Him to move, anticipate His work, and look for His presence.
I preached that – expect big things from God and look for Him moving – for years. But when that scarcity lie took over, I forgot.
I asked the Lord for six miracles last January.
Throughout 2023, He gave me 29, and those are just the big ones.
I feel silly now, looking at those numbers and sifting through all the events and memories of 2023. I am tempted to scold myself, “Only six miracles, Ava?! Do you believe so little in the power of your God?!”
And then that not-so-little voice of the Spirit chimes in. You didn’t believe six could happen, child. Asking for the six was belief beyond your capacity.
See, after making that list of six in my journal, I wrote, "Father, help me. Help my unbelief.” I truly didn’t believe He could do those things, and I definitely believed that He wouldn’t do them for me.
Sitting here at a table built by my grandfather, anticipating the delight to come as my family pours in the door, dreaming of all 2024 could hold, I believe God can do so much more. I believe He wants to do so much more, and I believe He wants to do it for me.
Make that 30 miracles and counting.
While my word for 2024 isn’t “miracles,” my expectation of and anticipation for them remains the same. In fact, after I finished my 2024 vision board, I sat back, looking at it in wonder, and shook my head. “Lord, this is not possible,” I said. “There is no way any of this happens without You.”
I expect miracles of all shapes and sizes and sorts this year. In fact, I’m eagerly awaiting them! I know there are more miracles to be experienced in my life.
That is the beauty of my word system…it shapes who I become in a year, and then it goes with me into the new year. It becomes part of who I am and what I fundamentally believe. Layer after layer, year after year, the words I choose add depth to my faith, my life, and my character.
Sometimes, I get a sense that a word is foundational…it is necessary for me to deeply understand it. It is something that the Lord intends to build on, and it will be a word that I return to year after year.
Miracles is such a word.
And this year, these next 300-and-50-some days, are going to be full of beautiful and imperfect thriving only because I spent a year learning how to live my life awaiting and witnessing God’s miracles.